Its Funny, I used to believe in the Faiytales that if I waited long enough prince chaming would come along. But I always thought I would know the difference between him and the others. im so over being Hurt, Im sick of not being good enough and Im so tired of waiting when everyone I know didnt wait they went out and did whatever they wanted and look at them now all of them happy and starting there new lifes, their very own familes and look at me. No stories, a heap of regret and all the wrong guys. What are you supossed to do when the only Boy you ever loved lives a completly seperate life, and you have to accept it and be happy because your scared to loose him completly. What are you supossed to do when the boy Crazy for you dosent know what they want, when his so far away you can only see him on holidays when you know its quite possible for him to lie and tell you just what you want to hear. What are you supossed to do when the only One you really want to be with just dosent care when once again you just werent good enough. How many times do you have to realise that your just not good enough before you give up. how many people do you have to leave behind, how many times do you have to cry before is ok turn around and say, No, Im not ok. The answer, there is no answer Because thats not okay, its not your place to put your troubles on someone who are you to give that burden to someone else. they might tell you they want it but once they have it they can never give it back. Who are you to Drag someone else down with you. So you hold it in. you take yourself out of the picture and realise no one really notices, you realise that maybe you really just arent good enough. You build up walls and shut it all out and in return find yourself finding new ways to try and feel anything, just for a second to stop feeling numb.
I was so afraid of leaving this place that I broke down and just wanted to stay. I wished with everything I had that time would just freeze but it didnt, time stops for no one and the big day came. It was the scariest thing I have ever had to do I said goodye to this town and everything that I knew. I packed my bags and we set off onto the big new advenure that so many deam of. ariving i realised so many people were so excited to be there and I distanced myself knowing this was everything I didnt want. I cried myself to sleep and held back the tears with each new day then suddenly I realised that they were gone one day. I realised that this place was filled with so much for me to learn and although i was scared to dealth so was everyone around. I changed my way of thinking, I couldnt just wish things didnt change because I couldnt turn back now. I smiled and found myself with friends quicker then Id ever made them before, I found a new home, a second family. The funny thing was Id fogotten who i was it wasnt that I had become someone that I didnt want to be it was just that Id forgotten everything that made me who I was. Coming home I realise how much Id pushed to the back of my mind the Closness of my family, the adventures with my friends, my understaniding of everyones choices, but most suprisingly, The boy who boke my heart. I hate myself for letting my friendships drift so far so quickly and I hate the feeling I abandond my family. But I realise now how much they all mean to me and how many things I left unsaid. I have a week and a bit left at home and my goal is to say the things I should have a long time ago. I already completed the biggest one, The boy who broke my heart the boy im now ever more madly in love with. It was weird I waited so long but when I finally got the chance to tell him everything i wanted the words were no where to be found. Tunred out what we both had to say was so much more important. I now realise that things have to change i have to stop searching for places to fit in people to make me happy and things I might find fun, Its time to focus on my Uni and the reason my lifes changed and start living by If its meant to be it will happen <3
